The F Word

In the writing and research of my new blogging endeavor, I recently came across something of an argument about the word "fat" between two lady-bloggers. Mars, who authors the blog Chicken Dinner Candybar, featured fellow author Marie of Agent Lover in a post she called "Fat Love Friday." The post, written to show love to the fashionable ladies in the larger sizes, obviously offended Marie--because the word "fat" was used. Marie commented on the post, saying, " I have to be honest, I'm a bit offended that you're categorizing me in something called Fat Love Friday."

She went on to tell Mars, "I would NEVER put another blogger or really anyone else for that matter underneath a title with such a negative connotation." But why not? What's the big deal about the F word?

As I'm sure you've noticed, not only have I used the word FAT in the title of my blog, but I've identified myself as FAT as well in my introductory post. It's a word, just like "plus size" and "large" and "curvy" and "rubenesque," and hey, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. So why, if all of these terms refer to the same type of woman, is that one word--the F word--so very offensive?

I mean, let's face it, with all the in-your-face "skinny is beautiful" media madness, and the constant guilt-trips fatties face with those "love handles that nobody loves" infomercials and news pieces, it's impossible to pretend that you don't notice if you're even the slightest bit "overweight." If you're not a size four, honey, you've heard the word fat at least once in your life.

Marie said she was angry because she doesn't like to put labels on her body, but the truth is that whether or not we put those labels on our bodies, other people are doing it all the time--and when we take offense to them, we're buying into that mess and giving meaning and truth to those labels that we work so hard to fight against.

I like to look at women and bodies through a feminist lens because, as a woman, I feel like women writing about women's bodies is empowering and enlightening. Susan Bordo's take on the female form is especially useful here: "The body – what we eat, how we dress, the daily rituals through which we attend to the body – is a medium of culture." When we buy into that crap everyone is telling us all the time--that only thin is beautiful, that our nails always have to be perfectly polished, that strict maintenance of any and all body hair is essential, that only uber-feminine is acceptable for female bodies--our bodies are not our own anymore. Bordo's analogy of the body as a text of culture makes so much sense because, when we are letting society write its beauty rules all over us, we become a metaphor instead of a person.

It's true: my body is less than "perfect." I've struggled with weight my whole life, tried every diet known to man, and frequently bought into the body shame that is heaped upon the socially perceived "fat." I would forgo parties and beach trips because I didn't want anyone to see what was tucked away beneath my size 16 jeans. I didn't want to call attention to my body, full of flaws. I kept saying, "I'll take that vacation when I lose ten pounds," or "I'll get that tattoo when I've dropped a dress size." And you know what? I was never taking vacations or getting tattoos, and I was always miserable. I would starve myself for weeks, lose ten pounds, and get so fed up that I would go on a weeks-long binge and gain 15 pounds!

Finally, after years of punishing myself and trying desperately to camouflage those extra pounds, I had a realization: my body is just that, MY body. I've reclaimed it, just like I've reclaimed the F word. Your ideal might be a size 2, but mine isn't. My ideal is a body with strong legs and wide, proud hips that aren't embarrassed to knock a chair or two out of my way. My ideal body is one that can indulge in a few slices of pizza without shame, but can walk the half mile to work in the next minute. My ideal is a healthy, curvy, sexy body. Maybe even a fat body ;)

Notions of this socially constructed ideal body are linked with the economy: I mean, so many businesses out there thrive on this desire we have for thinness. In order to create any kind of market for their product they also have to make women feel ashamed about their of inadequate bodies; of course, their product will get rid of those "unsightly" rolls, tuck in your tummy fat, camouflage your flaws, cover up whatever shouldn't be seen. We have to be attractive to be happy and successful, and only thin people are attractive.

I'm not giving in to this, and neither should you. I'm not going to support companies that refuse to make clothes I can wear. I'm not going to spend my money buying earrings at Cache or handbags at Bebe when they overlook me as a consumer. That is part of the reason that I have created this blog: it's so hard being a plus size woman and navigating the world of fashion, as I know from personal experience. I want to make these resources more readily available, to learn more from some of the fabulous plus-size blogs that I am now discovering, and to dialog about the world of the Fashionably Fat.

I'd love to hear what you think! What's your take on the word fat? Where do you like to shop? Let me know!

xoxo Lauren

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